Feeling Lonely
as a solo traveler?
Aren’t you scared of your choices?
How do you deal with loneliness?
What about companionship and your physical and emotional desires?
And your family? Are they happy with your choices?☕
Hello You!
Besides the most straightforward inquiry about 'how do you handle your finances,' to which I consistently respond with 'REMOTE JOB,' the one that garners the most interest from my followers is how I navigate through my emotions.
'“I always loved traveling, it’s been my childhood dream.”
And when you love something as deeply, you really don’t care how toxic it gets 🤣
Least to say you probably even enjoy the toxicity it brings to your life. (Pun intended)
But traveling, thankfully, is far from being that toxic.
2024 would mark almost 5 years of me traveling solo!
3 years in India and 2 years of abroad travels.🚀🌍
And, to be very honest, these questions had never popped in my head and mind until recently.
“It is better to live your own destiny imperfectly then to live an imitation of somebody else's life with perfection.”― Bhagavad Gita
There is something funny about traveling.
You would have questions that nobody would be thinking of.
You would get answers without seeking.
And, this time, as and when I got back home after my 5 months of travel, I had questions. Questions that never popped up during my earlier breaks.
Writing this, I feel emotional because I definitely am not the same kittoo you knew 5 months back or even 2 months back.
What made the change happen?
I hit 10k followers on Instagram and it was big for me. It still is big for me. Life changing moment.
The victory made me feel everything would change for good. But nothing changed. I was same and so were my parents.
I felt lost. What would I do with these 10k people? How am I going to help them. Why are they following me. What if I waste their precious time?
I had mental and emotional breakdowns for the lack of support I felt around me.
I felt lonely. There was nobody I could talk to about my goals and my situation.
I did not have the option to escape. I wanted to run away but at the same time, I knew I cannot. I never ran away from my problems.
Contrary to the popular belief among my friends, Traveling Is and Was Never an Escape for me, from my Problems!
And.. again traveling is the best way to escape at the same time. And it is OKAY to escape as long as you come back and deal with the problem.🤣
The month of January was the hardest. If you have got a chance to read my last newspaper, you would know what changes had happened and God, I was scared.
I also, felt lonely for the first time. Or at-least I realised that this is how Loneliness must feel like.
Was I being delusional all the way long?
Was I trying to prove something to my parents, my friends or the society?
Did I never love traveling at all? I left everything behind for some random whim?
What the actual fuckkk🤯🤯
I was scared as fuck🥺🥺
It was overwhelming and I had no one to share this with.
I did not want anyone to tell me “I’ had told you, you’re wrong. Now go get married!”
I looked up online for answers. Nothing substantial!!
I started focusing on my physical and mental health and felt even crazier.
What the fuck am I doing? Should I not be working hard on my laptop😅
I even reached out to people and therapist. Nothing helped to be honest and I was desperate.
They say “ where there is will, there is a way.”
I had to do something about not going crazy yeah? And the escapist that I am, I decided to pick up books and read. Better to escape in a fantasy world than to go crazy especially when one does not have the solution to their current situation.
I picked up The Alchemist and it hit me hard.
I’ve literally cried every single day as I read through those pages.
I also started reading The Bhagavad Geeta and God!! Isn’t HE wonderful in his own ways?
“Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity.”
It’s been over 2 months now.
And in the last week, while working out, I realised something - I cannot do anything if my heart does not allow.
So if my heart says NO to Travels, I would quit. I was scared but I accepted my faith. It’s okay to let people judge me for choosing my dream.
I would do what I want and travel the way I want. Not for others but for myself.
I got one life and I would make the best of it.
But also, I instantly realised that it is the fear of failure that had creeped in my heart and mind. The higher you rise, the harder is the fall.
It was also my expectations of the change that would happen, that brought me a lot of misery.
When I realised that my results were far off from my expectations, I saw myself failing.
And that’s when I felt lonely! Lonely for the first time in my life.
I felt the need of people around me. People who would love me unconditionally.
Have a partner maybe?
And there was none! Not my parents, not my best friends. Nobody.
And, I am glad I made it out all alone. Now, I know I can make it alone in the future as well.
I, also, firmly believe that entering into a relationship when you need something is the worst way to start a relation.
Relations should be based on Wants and not Needs.
There is nothing wrong in seeking validation.
There is nothing wrong in feeling lonely.
There is nothing wrong in trying to stand out.
There is nothing wrong in desiring what seems impossible.
“What is wrong is not letting yourself dream the extraordinary.”
Writing this letter to you here, I want to tell you, I do feel lonely and scared.
But I have never felt it in my last 5 years of travel.
Like everyone else, I do want to be in a loving relation, but for me, I would rather be alone than be with someone out of need to not be lonely.
The worst thing would be to handle your loneliness and add a person to it.
As for my family and how they react? Well, I have decided a path for myself and I will follow my dreams till death does me apart. People who love me, will very well accept it at their own pace.
If you have read till here, I truly hope you are keeping well.
My Instagram inbox is and will always be open for discussing anytime you feel yourself left out and want someone to talk to.
Keep pursuing your dreams.
What are my future plans? I am not sure. But I am going to travel more. For myself and if you enjoy my journey and want to live vicariously through it, follow me on Instagram & YouTube.